Odin Blew Up My TV! Read online

  Sigurda heard him out, and nodded grimly. “There are many stories of how the universe was born,” she said, “but through them all runs a tale of the destroyer, the one who despises all life but his own. That one is Ymir, the dark shadow of creation, the lord of death.”

  “He’s definitely scared the pants off Loki,” said Greg.

  “The trickster used Ymir’s unholy power to seize your earthly town and with it displace the golden city of Asgard. Rimfaxi and I were on a mission far away when Lord Odin contacted me by means of the Nornstone, a mystic jewel in the pommel of my sword.

  “By the foresight his godly power grants him,” Sigurda continued, “Odin was warned of the destruction to come. Using the power of his Odinstaff, he escaped the golden city mere instants before Loki carried out his enchantment. He had just enough time to cast a spell that would preserve Asgard and conceal it in a place of safety where Loki would not find it.”

  “Can you use this Nornstone again to ask Odin where he’s hidden it?” asked Susie.

  Sigurda displayed the pommel of her sword. Only a blackened hollow remained where the jewel had been fixed. “The powerful magical energies destroyed the gem,” she explained.

  “Just like they blew up our TV,” said Greg.

  “Loki does not know that Asgard is safe,” said Sigurda. “But the strain of casting such a powerful spell shattered Lord Odin’s staff, breaking it into three pieces and scattering them across Vanaheim.”

  “So where is Odin?” asked Lewis.

  “Without his staff and with his power depleted by the rescue of Asgard, he took refuge deep inside Mount Daggerflash,” said Sigurda, “which towers above the western border of our land. He closed the walls of the mountain about him, so that Loki would be unable to detect his presence.”

  “That’s what Odin was trying to tell us,” Susie realised. “He didn’t want us to find a dagger, he wanted us to find the mountain, Mount Daggerflash.”

  “So that will be the mountain he showed us on the monitor at the museum,” said Greg.

  “That’s right,” said Lewis. “I saw that same mountain when we were up in the sky.”

  “Odin cannot free himself from the mountain without his magical staff,” said Sigurda. “He instructed me that the three Ringwearers would have the means to recover his staff and bring it to him.”

  “And how are we meant to do that?” asked Greg. “I don’t suppose he left an instruction manual?”

  “We must make our way towards Mount Daggerflash,” said Sigurda, pointing decisively to the west, “and hope that the fates will deliver the three broken pieces into our hands.”

  “In other words we’ll do what we usually do,” said Greg. “Make it up as we go along.”

  Sigurda stroked her horse’s mane. “Rimfaxi must rest here until he recovers,” she said. “We shall continue our journey on foot.”

  “What? Without food?” Greg objected.

  “You will find provisions aboard the chariot,” Sigurda replied.

  While she tended the wounded horse, Susie, Greg and Lewis searched the wreckage of the chariot. They salvaged five water flasks and a pouch with half a dozen apples in it.

  “There are many streams here in the Ironwood from which the flasks can be filled,” said Sigurda. “And these apples are from the orchard of Idunna.”

  “That sounds nice,” said Greg, “but a few apples won’t last us long.”

  “Share them out and try them,” said Sigurda.

  The apples were bright green with a golden sheen. They took one each and bit into it. It was the most delicious thing Lewis had ever tasted, sweet and nourishing. Before he knew what he was doing he had munched down half the apple.

  “Mmm,” said Susie. “It’s nearly as good as a Mars icecream bar.”

  “It’s delicious,” Lewis admitted, “but like Greg said, they won’t last long.”

  “Will they not?” countered Sigurda. “Just look at them.”

  Lewis examined his apple and saw to his astonishment that it was completely whole, as if he hadn’t taken a single bite. And yet his stomach felt full from what he had eaten.

  “The apples of Idunna renew themselves and can never be entirely consumed,” Sigurda informed them.

  Leaving an apple with Rimfaxi, they set out on their westward trek.

  “I couldn’t help noticing, Sigurda,” said Susie, as they walked through the trees, “that you and Loki seem to know each other kind of well.”

  Sigurda grimaced uncomfortably and her fingers tightened around the hilt of her sword.

  “It is true,” she said, “that in an age long past he did woo me with precious gifts and sweet blandishments.”

  Greg’s brow furrowed. “What is she saying?”

  Susie lowered her voice and spoke confidentially. “She’s saying that they used to date.”

  “You mean Loki used to be her boyfriend?” Lewis exclaimed.

  “For the briefest moment of time,” Sigurda protested through gritted teeth. “The merest blink in which an enemy blade might elude one’s guard and penetrate the chink in ill-fashioned armour.”

  “She says it’s a mistake anybody could have made,” Susie explained.

  Sigurda turned away from them and stomped off through the trees.

  “She seems a bit touchy,” said Lewis. “I think we’d better change the subject.”

  “Yes, before she shuts us up with her sword,” Greg agreed.

  As they walked through the dense woodland, branches kept snagging on Lewis’ jumper and he stubbed his shoes on thick tree roots.

  “To think, this day started out just fine,” he complained. “I was going to catch microscopic sea life at the harbour and write a really interesting report about it. Loki has completely messed that up.”

  “Look on the bright side, Lewis,” Greg encouraged him. “If you go down to the harbour now, instead of catching tadpoles you can probably net a giant octopus.”

  “That’s not much of a comfort,” said Lewis unhappily.

  They had been walking for about an hour when they emerged from the trees to find themselves standing right on the edge of a deep crevasse. From far below, where the sunlight didn’t reach, they could hear the roaring torrent of a mighty river.

  Susie stared at the wide chasm, which seemed to divide the land in half as though cleaved apart by a gigantic axe. There appeared to be no way across.

  “You know,” she said, “there are times you could really do with a flying horse.”

  12. THE DRAGON BRIDGE

  “The Utgard Chasm!” Sigurda exclaimed. “I was not expecting this.”

  “What do you mean you weren’t expecting it?” said Greg. “This is your country, isn’t it?”

  “In supplanting golden Asgard with your earthly town,” said Sigurda, “Loki has thrown the entire land into disarray, confounding its myriad elements.”

  “What’s she saying?” Greg grunted.

  “She says the geography of Vanaheim is all mixed up because of what Loki’s done,” Susie translated.

  “Like chucking a rock into a pond,” said Lewis. “By dropping St Andrews in the middle of Vanaheim, Loki’s sent ripples out over the whole country.”

  “Okay, I get that,” said Greg. “Why didn’t she just say so instead of spouting all that gobbledygook?”

  “She’s a warrior maid of Asgard,” said Susie. “You can’t expect her to speak like somebody out of River City.”

  “Loki makes havoc where he cannot have victory,” said Sigurda, “like a petulant child who, finding a wooden puzzle too difficult to solve, hurls the pieces to the floor in anger.”

  Lewis gazed at the huge gulf. “So how do we get across?” he asked.

  “We must find the dragon,” Sigurda stated decisively. She set off at full stride northwards along the chasm’s rim.

  “Are you saying we have to fight a dragon before we can cross?” asked Greg, hurrying after.

  “There is no need to fight,” said Sigurda.
“It is already slain.”

  Thick groves of pine trees and steep boulders forced their path away from the chasm as they struggled to keep up with Sigurda.

  “So about this dragon…” said Lewis.

  “What do you mean it’s already slain?” Greg asked.

  “It was Thor, the god of thunder, who slew him in an age long past,” said Sigurda.

  “An awful lot of stuff went on in these ages long past,” said Greg.

  Susie gave him a dig with her elbow. “Shh! I want to hear this!”

  “In that time,” Sigurda resumed, “the dragon Affnar dwelt in a cave at the bottom of this very chasm. When he heard travellers passing above, he would rise up from his hidden lair and devour them. When Thor walked this ground seeking some means to cross over, Affnar ascended on his mighty wings and attacked the god of thunder. Long and furious was the struggle between them and many are the songs sung of it even to this day. At last Thor struck a mortal blow, splitting the dragon’s skull with his hammer. Affnar fell dead and Thor crossed safely to the other side.”

  “How did killing the dragon get him across?” asked Susie.

  “You shall see,” Sigurda replied. “You shall see.”

  Lewis took a fresh bite from his apple. Perhaps it was the effect of the magical fruit, but he was starting to enjoy this wild country. The air was clean and filled with the scent of pine. The trees grew straight and proud, and the distant calls of unseen birds were like music floating on the breeze. There were no roads here, no phones, no computers. It felt as if his normal life were the fairy tale and this world of warriors and flying beasts the reality.

  “Hey, look! There’s something up ahead!” Susie announced.

  She had spotted a row of greyish-white rocks laid out end-to-end, increasing in size as they curved away out of sight behind the trees.

  “Stones wouldn’t naturally lie like that,” said Greg as they drew closer. “Somebody must have put them there.”

  “That’s not it,” said Lewis. “I think they must be…”

  “Bones!” said Susie.

  “Bones?” Greg echoed. “But look at the size of them!”

  When they reached the strange structure they could see that it was the skeletal tail of some immense beast, so long it stretched away out of sight among the shadows of the trees. Sigurda led them along the length of the huge tail until they came to the Utgard Chasm once more. The skeleton of a gigantic dragon was stretched right across the chasm.

  On this side were the tail and hind legs, the claws of its enormous feet dug solidly into the earth. The dead monster’s spine formed a bridge across the crevasse to where its front claws were dug in on either side of a skull as big as a house. From the centre of the skeleton, extending towards the sky, rose the bones of its wings, like the framework of a pair of vast sails.

  “So this is the dead dragon,” Susie gasped.

  “Verily you speak in sooth, Susie,” Sigurda confirmed.

  “I didn’t know you could speak Sooth, Spinny,” Greg joked. “Have you been taking lessons?”

  Susie silenced him with a jab in the ribs as Sigurda continued her story.

  “As Affnar writhed in pain from the blow struck by Thor, he finally fell dead directly across the gap, affording the god of thunder easy passage.”

  “It reminds me of that whale skeleton in the Dundee museum,” said Lewis.

  “Yes, except this is twenty times bigger,” said Greg, “and it’s a dragon.”

  “Are you sure it’s safe to cross?” Lewis asked.

  “There is no safety on the warrior’s path,” said Sigurda.

  “Thanks,” said Greg. “That’s really reassuring.”

  A sudden rustling in the woodland behind them made Sigurda spin around and draw her sword. She eyed the trees suspiciously.

  “Ringwearers, make your way across,” she instructed. “I shall guard the rear.”

  “I’ll go first,” said Susie, hopping up onto the tail. Like a gymnast on a balance beam, she moved rapidly up to where it joined the body.

  “Take it easy, Spinny,” Greg cautioned her. “Those bones are really old. They could easily fall apart.”

  “Greg, if this thing’s been here for centuries, it’s not likely to choose this moment to collapse, is it?” Susie pointed out.

  “I’m just saying to be careful,” said Greg.

  “I’ll send you a postcard from the other side.” Susie headed along the spine holding her arms straight out at her sides for balance. The bones shifted and creaked slightly under her feet but Susie didn’t let that disturb her.

  Since she was three she had been climbing up onto narrow walls and walking along them fearlessly, even when her anxious parents pleaded with her to come down. She knew that the secret was to concentrate on each step, then the next, and not think about anything else. Especially not about falling.

  “You’re next, Lewis,” said Greg.

  Lewis gazed along the length of the dragon skeleton and swallowed. It looked like an awfully long way. “Why me?” He hated how squeaky his voice sounded.

  “Because you’re the next lightest,” said Greg. “We want as little weight as possible on the thing.”

  “That sounds sensible – for once,” Lewis agreed unhappily.

  He placed a tentative foot on the tail and took his first step. Then another.

  “Come on, Lewis, speed it up,” Greg urged.

  Soon Lewis had taken his first steps over the chasm, his eyes firmly fixed on Susie, who was continuing to make confident progress far ahead. Don’t look down, he told himself. You’ll be fine as long as you don’t look down.

  As he reached the halfway point he saw Susie hop up onto the dragon’s cracked skull. She walked lightly down its snout and jumped onto solid ground on the other side. Twirling about on the grass, she laughed in relief.

  Now that Lewis was in the centre of the dragon’s body, the great sail-like structures that had supported the wings rose up around him. He was sure he could see them moving. He tried to block out the crazy notion that the dragon was coming to life, like some sort of giant lizard zombie. It must just be the wind moving the ancient wings.

  But it was still worrying.

  It also prompted Lewis to wonder how a creature this massive had ever managed to fly. Perhaps the bones, for all their size, were hollow, so they didn’t actually weigh much. That thought made him nervous. If the bones weren’t solid, then maybe this whole structure was a lot more fragile than it appeared.

  “Lewis, what are you stopping for?” came Greg’s voice.

  Lewis twisted his head around and saw that Greg had started out after him. Greg was heavier than Susie. Suppose the dragon bones were too light to support the two of them?

  “I know what you’re doing,” said Greg accusingly. “You’re thinking. Now cut that out and get moving.”

  Lewis turned his eyes away from Greg, but as he did so, he accidentally glanced down. The chasm seemed to fall away forever into black shadows where an unseen river dashed along, ready to sweep away the dead body of anyone who fell.

  Immediately he started to sway, letting out a yelp as his arms whirled about in a desperate effort to maintain his balance.

  “Lewis, you’re fine,” said Greg loudly. He tried to think of some really good words from his Verbal Ninja book to calm his brother down. “Maintain your composure and move with alacrity.”

  “Composure?” Lewis echoed. “Alacrity? Where did you get that from?”

  “I’ll tell you once we’re on the other side,” Greg told him with a laugh.

  Lewis found himself laughing too, and once he took his mind off his fears, he found he could start walking again. The long bony spine actually felt quite firm beneath his feet.

  His confidence was coming back – when it was abruptly shattered by a mighty roar.

  Lewis and Greg both swivelled their heads to see what was going on behind them. Sigurda had just started out across the bridge when an immense bear with thi
ck black fur came roaring out of the forest.

  It reared up to full height, twice that of a man, and raised great paws above its head to show off savage claws. Then it dropped to all fours and bounded forward in pursuit of Sigurda. As it landed on the dragon bridge, the whole structure shook like it had been hit with a hammer.

  “Steady, Lewis, steady!” Greg called.

  But it was too late.

  Lewis lost his balance and, with a startled squeal, he fell.

  13. THAT WAY AND THIS WAY

  “Lewis!” Greg cried. He stretched out a hand but his brother was too far away to reach.

  As he toppled from the dragon’s spine Lewis bumped against one of the huge ribs and instinctively threw his arms around it. Fearfully he shut his eyes and slid down a short way before coming to a halt. Only when he had stopped moving did he dare to look around.

  Greg was directly above him now, but too far off to reach. To his left he spotted Susie darting nimbly back down the spine to join Greg.

  Sigurda had turned and was facing the bear, her sword drawn. The creature slashed at her with one claw, but she deflected the blow with her blade. Every time the bear lunged, the whole skeleton shook and Lewis had to cling on for dear life.

  Above him Greg swayed but managed to keep his balance as he slipped off his light daypack. He lay down full length, holding one strap, and dangled the pack below him so the other strap was only a short distance above Lewis’ head.

  “Here, Lewis, grab on!” he said.

  Lewis was terrified that if he let go of the rib with one hand, he would lose his grip and topple into empty space.

  Susie lay down on the spine so that the top of her head was almost touching Greg’s. She wriggled out of her daypack and lowered it in the same way, so there were two loops hanging just above Lewis.

  “Grab hold of one, Lewis, then the other,” said Susie. “We’ll haul you up.”

  Lewis was just mustering the courage to make the attempt when the whole skeleton shook once more. The bear was taking another swipe at Sigurda, but the Valkyrie held her ground.

  With all four of them on the dragon bridge, and a bear that probably weighed as much as all of them combined, Lewis was sure the bones would give way.